Hello there !
How are you doing ?
I hesitated for quite a while before sending an email about the current situation… because I personally feel overwhelmed by the amount of information (and fake news !) which we are all receiving at the moment. But in the end, here it is ! You obviously can decide whether or not you want to read it.
What I have seen so far is that some people are actually feeling quite fine with what is happening worldwide, others are going through a mix of emotions, and others have entered into a rollercoaster of anxiety, panic, sadness etc, and don’t seem to be able to get out of it.
Let’s be clear. In my opinion, some people have been preparing for this for a few months, even a few years already. Of course they didn’t know exactly what was going to happen, but they have done some work on themselves, they know themselves, their wounds, their weaknesses and their strengths. It does not mean that they are not surfing the waves of emotions but maybe they are able to welcome them and trust the experience.
For others, it might be quite a shock! Like for every accident, serious illness, loss, crisis, burnout, etc. they don’t know how to deal with it, react, behave, and handle what’s happening.
What I would like to tell you is this : it’s not the end, for anyone. Every crisis is an invitation to “transform”… it doesn’t need to be some radical or amazing change, it can be a small realisation, a small step, some help to make a decision, etc.
This crisis is a collective one, but it doesn’t mean that we can’t make choices individually. Yes we are limited in terms of physical space but not with our mind, body and energy !
We always have a choice, even when we are not conscious of it. We can choose to keep ourselves busy, to play the victim, to have fun, to learn, to stop, to enjoy, to process, to become very creative, to panic, to cry, to laugh, to sing, not to do anything, to think, to be inspired and inspiring, to get frustrated, to scream, to look at ourselves and the world, to listen, to question ourselves, to be hopeful, to be ok with not knowing, to become more conscious, to wish for the best, to imagine the worst, etc.
We are allowed and it’s totally okay to go through these different phases… What we need to do though is to see what is helping us and what is actually making us feel worse, in order not to remain stuck.
In fact, the way to approach this is the same as usual: stop, observe, breathe, be with the silent and the void, allow yourself to feel everything and ask yourself: “what do I need? What brings me joy? What bring me lightness of being?” without looking and what others are doing or comparing yourself as not everyone is at the same stage of the process. And that’s ok!
Yes, I know, that we might not like what we are feeling: void, loneliness, and silence force us to look at our suffering, our fears, our angers, our sorrows, etc. But it’s only when we welcome these that we can heal them. We have this choice now. We can either keep sleeping in front of TV or on social media or awaken to what is and what we are deeply in our hearts and bodies, day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment.
So how are you ? What is your choice right now ? What do you need ? Do you manage to stop and listen to yourself ? Let me know by email!
If you are not able to stop then have some fun trying out things (and it’s ok to fail !), checking in with yourself before and after.
For instance :
-Do I feel better or worse after spending two hours on the internet ?
-Do I feel better or worse after speaking with a friend on the phone?
-Do I feel better or worse after cooking something good ?
-Do I feel better or worse after crying for an hour ?
-Do I feel better or worse after meditating ?
-Do I feel better or worse after moving my body?
There is no trick in these questions. And there is no right or wrong answer. Only YOU can know what helps you.
Oh believe me I know it’s not easy. Every crisis and change require courage. And right now everything is coming to the surface more strongly. The bad news is that it can be very violent. The good news is that it is clearer and easier to recognise what needs to heal and what works for you.
At the beginning of the year, I made myself a promise : do things from a place of joy and love, or not do them at all. It sounds simple, doesn’t it ? It’s a fast way to sort out what you want to do.
Well… in fact with all our « obligations », the way our current system and society work, people’s opinion, etc., it can actually be challenging.
I’ll give you an example: since the beginning of the confinement, I’ve ben asked and told i don’t know how many times to show up more online. Except everything I’m feeling emotionally and physically is telling me NO !
I am not going to lie to you, my mind went a bit crazy… Of course I want to contribute, help, support, share my skills. But what I have been observing is that we all rushed into transferring everything we usually do online without taking a step back. And now we have 10 times more information and offers to deal with and it’s getting harder and harder to sort out.
On a personal level (and this is true for me, it might not be for you), I feel this situation is an invitation to continue the deceleration process I started over 1,5 year ago. And even if I do feel a bit guilty, I know for sure that I will not be helpful by doing 10 times more. I prefer quality. I prefer to work with one person at a time, with all my heart and attention.
I don’t have all the answers. And you know what? Nobody does ! But it’s ok ! It’s the perfect opportunity to trust yourself, and to embrace uncertainty.
And if you do feel the need to be supported in this process… You know I would be more than happy to be there for you.
To book a session you can go here
I wish you well.
Lots of love,
1)You are allowed to rest and you are allowed to rest often.
Notice all the thoughts, judgments, as well as physical sensations and emotions that come up when you read this sentence.
Write them down
Ask yourself : what is true about I think? What else is possible here?
If you are thinking things along the lines of: “I would love to but I can’t, I don’t have time; I have too many things to do; I am responsible for this and that; people are counting on me; my to-do list is very long, etc.” I would like to invite you to question attention and amount of time you give everyone else and everything else, and how much attention and time you give yourself. Are you less important? What makes you give more space and time to others’ desires rather than yours? What is the value you give yourself? What are you trying to accomplish?
If you tend to fill out your calendar as much as possible, I encourage you to create special time slots called “rest”, “void”, “nothing”, or “me-time”.
How do these words make you feel? Observe once more what is happening inside you. Most of the time, nowadays, most people don’t encourage or celebrate the idea of doing nothing, it’s not well perceived. Our current society pushes us to always do more, faster. As if we should be proud to be always busy? What about changing the paradigm, let’s start being proud to do nothing.
Why? Did you know that when you are doing nothing, in the silence, you can truly regenerate your whole body, hear your soul, connect to yourself, develop your creativity and have your best ideas! These moments are really precious!
Resting, regenerating will also help you fulfil your tasks with more joy and energy. You will see them from a new perspective.
2) Why wait to be in a really bad state to stop?
Do you often get sick when you go on holiday ? It means that your immune system is always working hard to fight chronic stress. When you finally allow yourself to stop, your body relaxes too and the whole system can finally evacuate its accumulated toxins.
Shoulder pain, digestion problems, car accident, pneumonia, cancer… Our society gives us permission to stop only when we are at the end of the rope. But if we’d like this to change it’s our responsibility to start with ourselves. By allowing ourselves to stop before it’s too late, we recover faster. If you deny your burnout for 6 months, it might last 2 years. If you accept it after 2 weeks, it will be over in no time
In medicine, we talk about homeostasis. It is our natural state of well-being, which we should always be in and always tend towards. But in order to do this, we need to adjust our choices, otherwise we just collapse. The longer we wait and we get away from this balance, the more we need to make efforts to go back to it.
The more we know ourselves, the more we can see the warning signs, and so the more we can spend time to rest when we feel the need. All our physical illnesses are a lack of balance: they happen when we are not listening to ourselves. We get sick because we have separated ourselves from ourselves.
To come back to ourselves and become whole again can take time. And nowadays it seems we have a hard time accepting that things can take time. So we take a pill, we have a Reiki session, we get a massage, and we feel better, temporarily, for a few hours, maybe for a few days. Great! Except this is just a band-aid. It won’t last because our crazy pace is not bearable. It’s our whole way of living we need to change.
3) What are you avoiding ? What are you waiting for to be happy?
Not doing anything, the notion of void, is scary. On one hand we underline that “doing”, producing something is important, and on the other hand there is a sense of shame to admit the need we have to rest, we fear people won’t get it. The notion of doing nothing is unacceptable. And yet it is so necessary to our well-being. Action is important, it is the masculine energy in us. Resting is also important, it is the feminine energy in us. We all need both to maintain balance.
I also know that avoiding to do nothing is a way to avoid oneself : if I rest I will have to face myself. And I don’t necessarily want to.
The request to produce more and faster, to have goals, to get results, to be around for you job, your family, the external world, is preventing us from going inwards and listening to our needs.
What are you avoiding by always being busy? What makes you happy? Is running around from your office, to your fitness class, then to your family and friends is really fulfilling? Don’t you want to slow down? What are you trying to prove? What is so important? If you get sick and end up not being able to do anything, duties will suddenly seem less important. So were they really important in the first place? I’d like to invite you to go back to the basics, what really matters. If you want to serve the world, your only obligation is to be happy, to shine your own light, to do what you are supposed to do with joy, pleasure, passion and energy. And as long as you don’t rest properly, you will feel depleted and won’t be able to really find your purpose. The only way to do that is to sit in silence with yourself.
3) If your mind is hyperactive, or your brain is constantly polluted by thoughts about what you have to do, it’s time to give yourself a break.
We never stop thinking. The idea that we can stop thinking is a myth. When you fight against your thoughts and you reject them, you are fighting against and rejecting yourself. Your mind is part of you and its intention is to protect you. So be grateful, welcome it for all the information, even the scary thoughts. And then invite your mind to rest by telling it is safe, that you are safe, that you’ve got this!
4) If you are highly sensitive or multipotentialite (ask me for a quiz if you need to check), you are probably overstimulated by your environment and by your thoughts and ideas. You have the great capacity of anticipating and you are very creative. But it can wear you out quickly so you’ll need a lot of rest. It does not take that long. It just means you need real rest, quality rest. So make time for yourself to do nothing. Have a look at what happens then for you. Be curious. Be kind to yourself. Let go of trying to control everything, and trust the process. If you feel guilty, welcome that emotion, accept it, it will go away faster.. Remember that you are probably quicker and more efficient at everything you do than the average, so you are allowed to rest more. You don’t need to justify.
Let me know how it goes!
If you need help to learn how to rest, book a discovery session with me
"Qu’est-ce que tu fais dans la vie ?" C'est cette question qu'on pose ou qu'on nous pose à chaque nouvelle rencontre.
Il semble que notre identité dépende beaucoup de notre travail. Au début de l’année, je me suis fait la promesse d’essayer de ne plus poser cette question, mais plutôt de demander : "Qu’est-ce qui te fait du bien ? Qu’est-ce qui te fait sourire ? Qu’est-ce qui te fait vibrer?"
Pas si facile dans notre société... Et pourtant… il semble que de plus en plus de gens soient malheureux au travail notamment car leur emploi n'est pas aligné avec qui ils aimeraient être. Alors si nous cessions d'attacher autant d'importance à nos étiquettes professionnelles? Vous n'êtes pas votre emploi.
En lien avec cette notion du "faire", notre vie semble aussi toujours se remplir plus et finalement aller plus vite que nous. Faire, faire, faire. Et faire encore. Et si nous prenions du temps pour le vide et le silence? Il parait que nous lions le vide et le silence à la mort, et que cela nous fait peur. Mais si le bonheur était dans l’être plutôt quand le faire, dans le vide plutôt que le plein, dans le silence plutôt que dans le bruit?
Pour être il n'y a pas besoin de faire des choses mesurables, comme dit Fabrice Midal, et notre valeur ne se mesure pas à la quantité de nos actions. En acceptant le silence, en entrant en contact avec nos expériences on se reconnecte à soi, à son monde intérieur, et on peut ainsi apprendre à mieux se connaître, à mieux se situer par rapport à notre environnement. En étant tout simplement, sans aucun contrôle, on se donne l'opportunité d'être plus juste dans l'action qui suivra ce moment, de mettre un sens au "faire" justement. Il ne s'agit donc en aucun cas d'un renoncement à l'action. Etre ce n'est pas arrêter d’agir, mais c'est faire moins de choses en pilote automatique, et prendre le temps de donner du sens à ses actions.
Avez-vous des plages vides dans votre agenda ? Pouvez-vous concevoir d’en avoir quelques-unes ? Pouvez-vous être dans le silence quelques minutes par jour, dans le non-faire ? Puis, pouvez-vous prendre le temps d'amener la conscience sur ce que vous faites?
"What do you do for a living?" is the one question you ask or you are being asked each time you meet somebody new.
It seems that our identity depends a lot on our profession. At the beginning of the year, I made myself swear I would try not to ask this question anymore and instead ask people what brings them joy, what makes them smile, what makes them happy.
Well,well, well... not so easy in our society.
And yet, and more people are unhappy in the workplace, and one of the reasons is that their job is not aligned with whom they want to be. So what if we stopped being so attached to our professional labels? You are not your job.
Regarding this idea of "doing", it also seems that our lives are always full and busy, and passing by really quickly. Do, do and do more. What if we took some time to be quiet and to look at the void? It seems we connect emptiness and silence to death, so we are afraid of it. But what if happiness was in "being" rather than "doing", in the void, in the silence instead of the noise?
To "be" there is no need to accomplish any measurable goals; like Fabrice Midal says, our value has nothing to do with the quantity of actions we take. By accepting silence, by getting in touch with our experiences, we can reconnect to ourself, to our inside world; we can therefore get to know ourself better, and to get along with our environment. By just being, without any kind of control, we give ourself the opportunity to be more aligned, more authentic in the action that will follow, to have a sense of meaning in the "doing". Indeed by "being" more, we don't actually stop "doing" but we do less in automatic pilot and we do more with consciousness. We make time to give meaning to our actions.
Do you have any empty space in your calendar? Can you imagine having a few spots for silence and void? Can you be in silence a few minutes every day, without doing anything? And then can you bring awareness on what you are doing?