I felt misunderstood for a long time. Sometimes I still feel like an alien…
I think I was having a hard time understanding and accepting myself.
« Know thyself » : the first time I heard about this phrase was when I started learning about Socrates in my philosophy class in high school. I was 17 years-old. My understanding of that sentence then is far from the understanding I have of it now. And I would never have imagined that getting to know myself would take so long.
I am still getting to know myself; everyday I find out some new things about myself, some beliefs, some fears, etc. The more I dig in, though, the more I can understand and the more I can accept. The more I can accept myself, the more I can show up as I am in front of other people. The more I do that, the more I feel understood, and the better I feel. I feel I belong. I feel I have purpose. I feel joy.
So many of us feel like nobody understands us, especially when we are having a rough time. We can get overwhelmed by our emotions. We feel isolated. We feel we are the only person in the world going through whatever we are going through. I have been there. I see many patients who feel this way. Suffering becomes unbearable. But often it’s because we cannot put words on what we are going through that we feel even more misunderstood. We stop communicating. We want to be left alone and curl up in a corner, maybe we even want to die. But by doing that, we then feel even lonelier and we would like somebody to come and rescue us, take us out of the misery. But nobody is coming. And even if somebody did, we are not sure they will understand us.
So we go around in circle… To break this circle, dig in. Get in touch with your pain, your suffering, acknowledge it in your body. Let it breathe and go everywhere inside you. Accept it fully. Be with it. Stay with it for a while. Truly. Stop rejecting it. By rejecting it you are rejecting yourself. Observe it. Embrace it. Yes it’s hard. Yes it sucks! But you know it’s temporary. Listen carefully and do what your body needs to do. It will start passing and changing only if you stop and accept it fully.
Once you have acknowledged and accepted you can start talking about it. It can be with your friends, with your therapist, with strangers, with all the above. Just get it out. You will be surprised how many other people have been hiding their true suffering and also feel there is nobody else out there suffering like they are. And even if they are not suffering now, they might have in the past, and they didn’t share it with you either: it might have been cancer, depression, anything else.
Everybody is wearing a mask. Some people wear a mask all the time with everybody. Some people wear a mask only at work. Some people are trying to remove the mask a little bit more everyday. We are all scared. We are all alone. Yet when you start sharing who you really are and what you are really feeling, you are not alone anymore! Take responsibility, open the door, share your feelings. The more you do that, the more you will feel understood, and the better you will feel. You will feel you belong. You will feel you have purpose. You will feel joy.
Want some support on your path towards understanding and acceptance?? Book a session with me here or join my 21-day online challenge to fall in love with yourself here
May these next few days bring you lots of joy, light and love.
May you be able to see the miracle that you are.
May you take the time to listen to your own breath, to pay attention to the sounds around you, may it be laughter, birds singing, screams or tears, or cars honking.
May you stop to look around you and notice everything that is in movement, but also everything that is frozen.
May you use your hands and all of your body to touch, smell, and taste all the little things with awareness.
May you welcome all your emotions, even if they are painful and confusing, because it means you are alive.
May you be able to put a smile on your face, even if you are crying.
May you be able to inspire others with a song, a dance or just your vibration.
If you feel down, may you be able to do what’s right for you, whether it is to stay alone or reach out.
May these next few days bring you lots of joy, light and love.
May you be able to see the miracle that you are.
I wanted to write about taking care of oneself. It’s something we hear a lot everywhere especially nowadays with self-development becoming more mainstream but it can sometimes be difficult to implement all the good advice we hear. Often we also might skip steps or try something only once without actually turning it into a habit, and therefore conclude it is not working, when in fact it could work, if we tried a few more times…
I have had a couple of burnouts in my life. I am still a work in progress, like every human being I think, but I am learning and in this blog I want to share a few things I have learnt over the past few years that I have found efficient. Of course there is a lot to cover on this topic so I have narrowed it down to a 3 things, which I think are really important.
To change you need to know yourself , recognise your patterns, and be willing to try something new. So for each point, try to see how it feels for you and then start doing something about it, whether it is what I suggest or another idea that you have, just try and keep at it. To change we need to repeat, not just do something once. So below I develop the following points:
1. Are you a giver or a helper? How to give yourself what you need
2. Are you always busy? How to make time for you.
3. Are you a people pleaser? How to start saying no
If you prefer to listen instead of reading, scroll down to check out my video :-)
1) Are you a giver or a helper ? Give yourself first what you need
I am a giver. I have always been, I had to learn how to receive. As a therapist, I support others on their life journey. And it brings me so much joy to see people evolve and take their life in their hands, work over their shit and become happier and healthier.
However I have often taken this too far in my life, wanted to help everyone, save everyone even, whether clients, friends, family, or even random people I would meet through networking, etc. But gradually I came to realize that firstly not everyone was asking for my help, so why offer it all the time? Once I also found myself in the posture of somebody who was being offered help when I had not asked for it and I can tell you that it made me feel very small, as if it meant I was not able to find a solution on my own and that the person had no faith in me. And I know that the person had the best intention but it made me feel like shit. So since that lesson I started watching myself each time I would spontaneously on the verge of offering my help to somebody who hadn’t asked for it. You can still ask people if they would like support, but without deciding what kind of support they need and letting them ask and tell you instead if they want to.
Secondly, since you are a giver, you must be really good at giving. So how about giving to yourself? Over the past month I have decided to change what my day looks like. I start my day by doing something for me. I am an entrepreneur so yes I can move things around, but even if you don’t have that flexibility, find what works for you.
So I give myself first. Everyday. It can be for 5 minutes, 30 minutes or 3 hours, until I feel I am full enough to actually have something to give. So it can be meditation, writing, breathing, doing yoga, going out running or cycling, dancing, etc. I dont like routine so it usually is something different everyday. And if I find that I really don’t have time, then I just take 5 minutes to schedule a moment during the day, or the week when I am going to do something for me. And that’s how I start everyday. Before talking to anyone. And I can assure you that even the simple action of planning a moment for you later on works ! So try it ! Experiment, let me know how it goes.
2) Are you always busy ? Make time for you
There is a lot of pressure in our society to be busy. But what is so cool about being busy all the time? Think about it for a minute. When you are always busy, there is no room to rest, there is no room for spontaneity, there is no room to do nothing. Yes because doing nothing is the actually cool!
I used to overfill my agenda because I was afraid of the void, afraid to be alone, afraid to have nothing to do, to be bored, etc. Well I have realized that spending time alone is very important to recharge and to rest. And think about, it if you don’t like your own company, then who will ? Learn to love yourself, you spend 24hrs a day and 7 days week with yourself. Time doing nothing is also how we allow ourselves to regenerate and then we will have so much more energy and be so much more creative. It might seem contradictory, but by actually doing nothing from time to time we achieve more. When you create void and space, things open up.
So what can you do to be less busy : for a while I literally had to schedule in my calendar « VOID » or « DO NOTHING » or « TIME FOR ME », to force myself not to book anything with anyone else. Stop giving away your time, it is your life, nobody’s else. Your time is precious. And then do it again and again. But also be kind to yourself if you don’t always manage to do it. It’s okay, try again. Everyday is a new opportunity to implement the change!
3) Are you a people pleaser ? Learn how to say no
So ask yourself this question: do you want to make everyone happy ? Are you always saying yes to please people? Do you feel responsible for people’s happiness ? well guess what : the only person’s happiness you are responsible for is YOURS ! So ask yourself why are you doing this ? Is it because you want everyone to love you for instance ? Do you think it is because you need to do it to be a good person? I used to be like that. But even if you are a super-hero, people choose their own life, you don’t have control over that. You can’t control people’s happiness. I will give you an example: let’s say you have been invited to dinner with friends and you would rather stay home. But you decide to go anyway, in order not to disappoint anyone. So you go, but you are actually not very present, and not in the mood, and as much as you can pretend, your friends can feel it. So you won’t be happy, and your friends won’t either. It’s kind of a lose-lose situation…
So try to listen to yourself more. What do you want? And if it is hard to say no, then say something like “maybe”, “ I will think about it”, “ Can I let you know later?”. And at the end of each day, check how many times you said yes when you wanted to say no. And try again the next day. Saying no to others is saying yes to yourself ! And remember, you are the most important person of your life…
Thank you for showing up ; thank you for being here almost on a daily basis.
Thank you for trying to protect me. I know you are only trying to help. I know you are doing it because you love me and you want me to be happy.
I think I can say that thanks to you I know fear pretty well.
My mind keeps running in circles, telling me how dangerous everything I want is, how stupid it is to think i can even try it, that I’ll never make it, that it is not how most people do it, etc.
My body is even helping my mind and resisting everything I want so strongly I have pain in my stomach and shoulders almost everyday.
So today I wanted to thank you for everything. But mainly I wanted to show you deep gratitude for showing me so clearly how I can limit myself and make myself so small.
So thank you, really, from my heart, for making me understand the power of my thoughts. Because obviously, it is something I have created. I am the one who decided to trust you. I am the one who has let you paralyze me on my path.
Well, dear insecurities, I have news for you. Today is the day we say goodbye to each other. I know you will try to come back. I know that you will want to keep speaking to me, that you’ll keep trying to stop me, to “protect” me. Well I wanted to tell you that you don’t need to do that anymore. I am safe. I know what I want and I am going to go and get it, because life is too short to live in fear all the time. You are going to have to trust me, believe in me and let me grow. And I know in the end you will, because I know you love me and you want me to be happy.
Today is the day I choose my dreams over you. Today is the day I become bigger and brighter, because I can choose my thoughts. And my thoughts can be bright and happy.
You’ve had your time. You’ve had your space. Now it’s enough. It’s time to move on. And I say this from a place of love. I am breaking up with you because our relationship makes me unhappy. I wish you well.
Sometimes it is okay to go backwards and make the same mistake. It is okay because even though it is the same mistake you are not the same person and your take on it will be different.
As long as you are willing to learn and you take something from it is okay to try again and again and to slip again and again.
Yes sometimes I also feel tired of trying and not getting where I want. Yes, sometimes I feel desperate.
I have done so much work on myself and still I am not quite where I want to be.
Yes sometimes I want to give up.
But then there is a bit of light and this voice that says: “You are okay. It is okay, you are getting closer. You are almost there. You are learning. It is coming. And what you are going to get is so much better than whatever you can even imagine. We are just making sure you are ready to receive it all!”
So let me tell you what happened to me. Or rather what I let happen to me.
This year I have made it a priority to really love myself more, to be my own priority and to find real love.
Romantic relationships have always been a challenge for me. Sometimes I really think I am just not meant to be in one. But I deeply long for this complicity, partnership, intimacy.
In the past years, I have also come to understand that self-love is the basis for all emotional healing. I truly believe that accepting and loving ourselves, for real I the key to heal anything. And of course, it will be the key to find a great relationship too.
I have been working on myself for 12 years now, using all kind of tools, working on all levels of my being. And yes for sure I love and accept myself more now than when I was 18 or 27 or even more than 6 months ago.
But no I am not quite there yet. Let's be honest for a minute. Who is? Maybe it takes a lifetime? I am still judging and criticizing myself. I am still not treating myself like I would treat my best friend.
Yet I do know and I do feel that love is the answer.
I also know that I want real love in my life. From somebody else. But if I can't love myself fully how can somebody else?
A few years back I became aware of this pattern I had to basically start dating any guy who likes me. Because I had such low-self esteem, being liked was WOW! And even if I didn't like a guy very much I would go out with him and pretend I did. Just to be loved…
Except of course that didn't work. Because I I wasn’t me and I wasn’t authentic.
So I worked hard on this pattern. And finally I thought I was done with doing this, after experiencing different kinds of relationships. It got better. It was still hard for other reasons but that’s not my point here.
I really thought I was finally over this pattern of dating somebody I was not really into, of lying to myself.
Then a guy showed up into my life. He was nice and generous, easy-going, and funny. I was feeling lonely. I was feeling sad. I wanted affection. I wanted to be touched. I wanted somebody in my life. I was happy he was into me. I was flattered. And I went back into my old pattern. I screwed up big time. I tried to make him aware that we didn't know each other that we should not rush things. And of course he has his part to play in this failed experiment but that is his path and here I am talking about mine.
So yes I did the same thing again. I made this mistake again.
But guess what! The difference is this time I was totally aware I was doing it while I was doing it. I tried to do little things here and there to change directions as we were moving forward. But it was not enough.
Because once again I was not able to speak up, to speak clearly enough, to speak loud enough. Once again I was not able to be me.
What I was able to do though, was to stop everything quickly enough before there was too much damage.
Yes I am hurt. I am sad. I feel like shit. I am disappointed.
But I choose to see the difference between who I am now and who I was when I was not aware of this pattern.
I choose to see I am not the same person. I also choose to feel compassion for myself, to be kind, to see that I have done my best.
I choose to accept my mistake, to learn from it and to try again, with this new lesson inside me.
And I choose to keep hope and faith.
Wanna learn how to become aware of your patterns and change them? Contact me
We are all made of energy. Your emotions, your thoughts are all energy. If you start paying attention to how you are feeling, you can notice how you feel whenever you enter place, or when you meet somebody. Do you feel better or worse ? It is that simple.
How you feel is of course linked to what you are experiencing in life, who you are and what you have lived before. But it is also connected to the energy of the place, the people or the elements that are present around you. If you are highly sensitive, you can even feel the energy of the city you live in, or even the world ; maybe you can also feel the vibrations of the Earth, the Moon or of the planets.
You vibrate at a certain frequency. The better you feel, the healthier you are, the higher the frequency. And others can also feel your vibration. In a state of homeostasis (balance) your vital energy (also called ki, prana or chi) flows easily and naturally. When you are stressed out, or if you have bad nutrition, a negative thought, an emotional shock, etc. your energetic system will start being unbalanced.
If whatever is shaking you off balance happens only once in a while, it is still good to rebalance your whole system by taking care of yourself (various options exist of course, and amongst them energy therapies)
If you are always stressed out or anxious, have experienced trauma or if you are highly sensitive, your system is probably very often off balanced. When your ki gets stuck, it creates excess of energy in some areas and voids in others, which
means your physical body can be impacted (pain, tension, disease, breathing isssues, etc.) Your mental state and psychological health can also be affected. Everything is connected.
Energy therapy helps removing blockages from the past and the present, filling in the voids and help re-activating your self-healing power.
We are all connected energetically. It is also possible you have caught energy from other people, that does not belong to you. It is important to get cleansed.
Face-to face or remotely, I connect to your energy to cleanse and balance it. Remotely i have the opportunity to connect directly to your energy field without being in contact with the physical body , which makes the frequency of the treatment higher and stronger ; the work will therefore be faster and deeper, working throughout dimensions and without limits from space and time.
Wanna try ? To book an appointment, you can use this link here or call me at +41 79 128 32 62. I will call you via Skype, Zoom or What's app (whatever is easiest for you) at the beginning of the session.
You just need to be a in a quiet and comfortable place, where you wont be disturbed, and make sure to have some water nearby.
"Qu’est-ce que tu fais dans la vie ?" C'est cette question qu'on pose ou qu'on nous pose à chaque nouvelle rencontre.
Il semble que notre identité dépende beaucoup de notre travail. Au début de l’année, je me suis fait la promesse d’essayer de ne plus poser cette question, mais plutôt de demander : "Qu’est-ce qui te fait du bien ? Qu’est-ce qui te fait sourire ? Qu’est-ce qui te fait vibrer?"
Pas si facile dans notre société... Et pourtant… il semble que de plus en plus de gens soient malheureux au travail notamment car leur emploi n'est pas aligné avec qui ils aimeraient être. Alors si nous cessions d'attacher autant d'importance à nos étiquettes professionnelles? Vous n'êtes pas votre emploi.
En lien avec cette notion du "faire", notre vie semble aussi toujours se remplir plus et finalement aller plus vite que nous. Faire, faire, faire. Et faire encore. Et si nous prenions du temps pour le vide et le silence? Il parait que nous lions le vide et le silence à la mort, et que cela nous fait peur. Mais si le bonheur était dans l’être plutôt quand le faire, dans le vide plutôt que le plein, dans le silence plutôt que dans le bruit?
Pour être il n'y a pas besoin de faire des choses mesurables, comme dit Fabrice Midal, et notre valeur ne se mesure pas à la quantité de nos actions. En acceptant le silence, en entrant en contact avec nos expériences on se reconnecte à soi, à son monde intérieur, et on peut ainsi apprendre à mieux se connaître, à mieux se situer par rapport à notre environnement. En étant tout simplement, sans aucun contrôle, on se donne l'opportunité d'être plus juste dans l'action qui suivra ce moment, de mettre un sens au "faire" justement. Il ne s'agit donc en aucun cas d'un renoncement à l'action. Etre ce n'est pas arrêter d’agir, mais c'est faire moins de choses en pilote automatique, et prendre le temps de donner du sens à ses actions.
Avez-vous des plages vides dans votre agenda ? Pouvez-vous concevoir d’en avoir quelques-unes ? Pouvez-vous être dans le silence quelques minutes par jour, dans le non-faire ? Puis, pouvez-vous prendre le temps d'amener la conscience sur ce que vous faites?
"What do you do for a living?" is the one question you ask or you are being asked each time you meet somebody new.
It seems that our identity depends a lot on our profession. At the beginning of the year, I made myself swear I would try not to ask this question anymore and instead ask people what brings them joy, what makes them smile, what makes them happy.
Well,well, well... not so easy in our society.
And yet, and more people are unhappy in the workplace, and one of the reasons is that their job is not aligned with whom they want to be. So what if we stopped being so attached to our professional labels? You are not your job.
Regarding this idea of "doing", it also seems that our lives are always full and busy, and passing by really quickly. Do, do and do more. What if we took some time to be quiet and to look at the void? It seems we connect emptiness and silence to death, so we are afraid of it. But what if happiness was in "being" rather than "doing", in the void, in the silence instead of the noise?
To "be" there is no need to accomplish any measurable goals; like Fabrice Midal says, our value has nothing to do with the quantity of actions we take. By accepting silence, by getting in touch with our experiences, we can reconnect to ourself, to our inside world; we can therefore get to know ourself better, and to get along with our environment. By just being, without any kind of control, we give ourself the opportunity to be more aligned, more authentic in the action that will follow, to have a sense of meaning in the "doing". Indeed by "being" more, we don't actually stop "doing" but we do less in automatic pilot and we do more with consciousness. We make time to give meaning to our actions.
Do you have any empty space in your calendar? Can you imagine having a few spots for silence and void? Can you be in silence a few minutes every day, without doing anything? And then can you bring awareness on what you are doing?
Comment allez-vous?Combien de fois avez-vous poliment répondu "ça va, merci et toi?" à cette question, pour ne pas embêter l'autre avec vos soucis, ou peut-être parce que vous n'avez pas vraiment l'habitude de vous poser cette question à vous-même, et que donc vous ne connaissez pas la réponse. Oui, il est parfois délicat de se confier, de trouver une oreille attentive, ou d'en offrir une à autrui. Je vous propose aujourd'hui d'être votre propre oreille, juste un instant.
Prenez quelques secondes pour vous arrêter. Vraiment, oui, là maintenant, à la lecture de ce billet. Prenez quelques respirations. Sentez le contact de votre corps avec le sol sous vos pieds, la chaise sur laquelle vous êtes assis(e). Et demandez-vous: comment je me sens? Comment je me sens physiquement? Comment je me sens émotionnellement? Ecoutez la réponse. Accueillez ce qui vient, et si vous sentez le besoin de vous reposer, de vous faire du bien, de ne rien faire, de vous amuser... et bien suivez ce besoin! Ecoutez-vous! Vous êtes la personne la plus importante de votre vie. Vous ne pouvez pas donner aux autres si vous n'êtes pas bien vous-même.
Il y a plein de manières de prendre soin de soi. Je vous propose une panoplie d'outils que j'ai moi même testés et auxquels je me suis formée; alors n'hésitez pas à me contacter pour une séance individuelle ou un atelier en groupe. Je vous recommande aussi d'être curieux/curieuse, d'aller essayer de nouvelles approches, de voir différents thérapeutes et professeurs, d'expérimenter et de trouver ce qui vous convient!
How are you doing?How often have you politely answered "good, thanks, how are YOU?" to this question?, in order not to bother the other person with your problems, or maybe because you are not really used to really wondering how you are, and so you don't actually know the answer.
Yes, sometimes it can be difficult to confide in somebody, to find a compassionate ear, or to offer one to somebody else. So today I would like to invite you to be your own active ear, just for a moment.
Take a few seconds to stop. Yes, for real, now, while you are reading this note. Take a few breaths. Feel the contact of your feet on the floor, of your body on the chair. And ask yourself: How am I? How do I feel physically? How do I feel emotionally? Listen to the answer. Welcome whatever it is. If you feel the need to rest, to do nothing, to have fun, then do so! Listen to yourself! You are the most important person of your life! You cannot give others if you are not well.
There are many ways to take care of oneself. I offer a large diversity of tools that I have tested and I am trained for. So don't hesitate to contact me for a one-to-one session or a group workshop. I also suggest you'd be curious, you'd try new methods, you'd see different therapists and teachers, and find what works for you!
2016 a été une année de grands bouleversements pour beaucoup d’entre nous : changement d’emploi, de relation amoureuse, de situation familiale, déménagement, maladies, révélations, etc. Soyez confiant que les pertes permettent en vérité de faire de la place pour d’autres choses plus belles. Et si vous avez l’impression de stagner, soyez patient. Nous allons tous vers plus d’authenticité et tout ce qui n’est pas aligné avec cela s’en va; je le constate tous les jours dans mon entourage.
Alors comment vous rapprochez encore plus qui vous êtes vraiment ? D’abord en commençant par vous rappeler les choses que vous aimez faire, et en les faisant plus souvent, tout simplement. Et puis en vous posant quelques questions :
Qu’est-ce qui est vraiment important pour vous ? Pensez à vos rêves les plus fous. Quel est votre rêve ? L’avez-vous mis de côté ? Si oui, pourquoi ? Pourquoi vous ne commencez pas par de petits pas pour le réaliser?
Nos blocages sont toujours liés à des peurs : peurs financières car nous vivons dans un système qui fonctionne comme cela pour l’instant, mais aussi et surtout la peur d’être jugé. Mais qui vous juge ? Est-ce que ce ne serait tout simplement pas vous-même ?
2016 has been chaotic in many ways, for many of us : change of career, relationships, family situation, moving, diseases, eye openers, etc. Trust that losses are actually allowing you to make space for something else. And if you feel that you are stagnating, be patient. We are all going towards more authenticity and everything that is not aligned is being released. I can see it everyday around me.
So how can you get closer to who you really are? Firstly and very simply by remembering what you enjoy doing, and by doing them more often. And then you can ask yourself: what is really important to you? Think about your wildest dreams. What is your dream? Have you put it aside? If so, why? Why aren’t you doing anything to make it come true?
Our mental blocks are always linked to fears: financial fears because we live in a system that works this way for now, but also fear of being judged. But who is judging? What if you realized the only one judging is you?
You can hear this voice inside you,
Telling you to slow down,
Asking you :
where are you running
what are you running after ?
But you don’t
You don’t slow down
You don’t stop
You never do
Because you have to
Because you must
Because you should
Do more, do it faster
Do it better, do it quicker
You body is aching
Your body is talking to you
You are not happy
Because you are doing
Instead of just being
Listen to your body
Slow the f… down !
Before your body shuts you down.