What I will keep in my heart from 2016

In 2016,  I reinforced some frienships. I felt more closely connected to some people. I also felt less connected with some other people.
I met new people and experienced some of the deepest connections of my life. I created some very strong new bounds.  I fell in love. And I felt out of love.  I experienced losing some of these deep connections as fast as they appeared in my life. I am still wondering sometimes what that was. How it could be both so intense and so quick?
​ 

My heart was torn apart. Big time. Like never before. It took me a while to get over it, to recover. But you know what ? I don’t regret it. ​​Because this time I consciously decided to keep my heart fully open, in spite of the pain. I opened up to receive love like I had never done in the past, and I showed up as me, the real me. And this I will keep. I will not go back to pretending to be somebody else to be loved. This is one of the greatest lesson for me in 2016.
 
In 2016 I quit a job that didn’t match my values anymore ; it took me a long time to decide because I was torn between my rational thinking and my intuition, between my guilt and my desire, between my fears and my hopes. Once again !
But my body wouldn’t let me lie to myself anymore. « Enough ! », it kept saying. You are needed somewhere else. You know better. My body,  my dear temple, how I have mistreated you. I am so sorry. I thought i had understood how to listen to my body more carefully. How wrong I was ! My body reminded me that it knows better, that I can trust it ALL THE TIME and that the faster I listen to it, the faster I learn, the faster I can move to the next stage. I will not make that mistake again.
 
In 2016 I met people who are involved in beautiful projects, who are working towards solutions to improve the way we live, who have beautiful visions and are moving forward with them. I met people who show up everyday and shine their light over the world. They inspire me and I hope I also inspire some people.
 
In 2016 I met people who are struggling, but who keep hope and faith, people who are grateful for the little things they have.
In 2016 I met people who struggled and who wanted to die. In 2016 I wanted to die at some point.  I met people who had lost hope and faith, people who were desperate, afraid, sad, angry, exhausted. I was all those things too.  In 2016 I had moments when I thought I was going backwards. I doubted myself so much. I doubted the world. So after a lot of resistance I finally accepted to rest for a while.  I survived this phase and it actually made me stronger. It showed me how to help better those who have lost faith and hope. By stepping back for a while, I bounced back and I actually took a bigger leap.  In the end I chose to live instead of surviving. I am not the same person I was a year ago. And I think I am a better person. I am expanding. And I know you are too, even if you don’t feel it.
I know there will be more challenges ahead, but I know the challenges are helping me find who i want to be and be that person.
 
Sometimes, I am tired, I am even exhausted. I think that I have done so much work on myself already ! When does it stop ? Well 2016 made me realize that it doesn’t. There are some great moments, there are some very painful moments. As I keep peeling the layers, I find myself a bit more, Iunderstand myself a bit more, I know myself a bit more, and I find meaning, direction and I keep moving forwards. When I think I have understood something, the universe sends me a test, more or less enjoyable, and sometimes I don’t get it right away. I try to enjoy the path, because that what life is about for me. Yes there are some tough times, but that is how I learn, that is how I grow.
And that’s also how I meet new people. As I connect more deeply to my values, to my fears but also to my courage, I connect more deeply with other human beings who are on the same path.
And it is also how by learning what I don’t want anymore, I find out what I want more of. And it helps me focus on joy, love and faith.
So out of all the ups and downs of 2016, I hope I can and I will choose to remember faith, joy, laughter and love ; and I hope I can continue to help people see through the sadness and sorrow, that life is worth it, that together we can be powerful, joyful and shine LOVE.